51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

Xartogan (zar-toh-gan)

Scort Muggins, Human year 3251:

Xartogan is an interesting and disturbing planet. Disturbing to me, I guess. The Xartogans didn’t seem to be bothered by it. On their planet, the dominant, sentient life form had a significantly higher birth rate than any other intelligent species I had come across. It was estimated that their global population was about 12 quintillion Xartogans. In terms of the Martian calendar and our superior measurement of time, 300 quadrillion Xartogans were born every human year. 820 trillion Xartogans were born every sol. 34 trillion Xartogans were born every hour. 570 billion Xartogans were born every minute. 10 billion Xartogans were born every second. That’s a lot of Xartogans.

Thankfully, they were small beings that only grew to 3-5 kilograms and half a meter tall. Most of their skin was black, but they made up for the lack of color with vibrant patterns across their five legs and three arms. The pattern on one Xartogan was completely different and unique from any other Xartogan. They were like 12 quintillion snowflakes (See Figure 16.1). I understand that none of what I’ve said is really all that disturbing. I’m merely setting the scene and teasing you slowly so you’ll keep reading because I’m an incredibly talented author and this is flirkin’ art. I’ll get to the disturbing part when the time is right. 

The time is right. The disturbing part about the Xartogans was that the death rate was just as high as the birth rate, with about 10 billion Xartogans dying every second. That’s a lot of dead Xartogans. The average lifespan for a Xartogan was .44 human years, so they didn’t live very long and every Xartogan was continuously reminded that death was right around the corner. Then again, they were equally reminded that life was reborn at the same time. Xartogan babies were constantly popping out. It created a society in which death was nothing but a thing - the Xartogans simply had no fear of death. This was a foreign concept to me because humans had developed medical immortality and could live as long as they pleased. [Note: Medical immortality means being impervious to aging or disease, but still vulnerable to homicide or gruesome, horrific accidents.] Because humans were so used to living hundreds of years, it was a devastating, traumatic event when someone died - especially because it would be a quick, and often violent end.

When I visited Xartogan, I slept in my space shuttle because they didn’t have a place big enough for me to stay. I walked around extremely carefully so as not to squish an Xartogans running around beneath my feet. They were everywhere. I sat down and crossed my legs to get closer and talk to some of them. 

One Xartogan introduced itself and its best friend standing next to him. Unfortunately, right before both of our eyes, the best friend died. The Xartogan didn’t blink an eye before introducing me to his new best friend. The dead former best friend was immediately carried away in a large mobile crate that was filled with other dead Xartogans. It was done in such a nonchalant way that it was clear this was a part of their everyday lives. I asked the two Xartogans:

“Where do they take the bodies?”

“They will be carried someplace to decompose and fertilize our food,” one Xartogan answered.

The thought of a dead body being used to grow the food I ate on Xartogan was instantly repulsive to me, but I couldn’t help but appreciate the taste. I thought to myself that maybe the reason my father disappeared from social media was because he was decomposing somewhere in space, fueling the growth of some alien food. I wondered what the produce would taste like if it had been fertilized by my father’s dead body - probably bitter and dry with hints of disappointment and abandonment. 

After the original two Xartogans I was talking to had passed away, two new Xartogans took me on a tour of their most renowned monuments. Massive structures that were far larger than I, not to mention a small Xartogan, were on display in the center of their lone continent. The structures were built from a material also made from dead Xartogans - another way they recycled the carcasses of the fallen. Many of the monuments were over 2000 meters tall, and they could’ve only been built by an impossibly massive swarm of Xartogans. Each structure was full of intricate tunnels that were originally used for building of the monument, however, with well-placed mirrors the tunnels also let starlight shine though from the two stars the planet orbited. At an exact moment each sol, the two stars would radiate light through the tunnels and create a beautiful pattern on the ground. The solar energy from the two stars was concentrated at the center of the pattern. At this time during the sol, everysol, a large library of books was compiled and placed in the center. The books contained the names of the roughly 820 trillion Xartogans that had died that day. The concentrated solar energy from the two stars would light the pages on fire, and the mountain of names would burn and vanish (See Figure 15.2). I was not envious of the Xartogans who had the job of collecting and writing the names in the books. It must’ve been tedious and melancholic - an unusual and upsetting combination. 

Even though death was as ordinary as stubbing a toe for the Xartogans, the beings still honored those that perished in a majestic and beautiful way. The Xartogans may not have felt much grief, having been used to the idea of death since their birth, but they respected those that came before them who helped build their extremely cohesive society. 

I would’ve said goodbye before I left, but by the time my trip was over, every Xartogan I had met had already died. Thinking about death had turned my naturally good vibes sour. The Xartogans believed that the purpose of life was to progress and improve the quality of life for the next generation. That was a goal that would be continually set higher and higher without ever being within reach, unless of course, the quality of life was so great that no being ever died. Deep down, every species in the universe has the soul purpose of survival, so the ultimate goal of each species is to cheat death itself. Humans had basically already accomplished this with medical immortality… But in billions of years, the universe will collapse and every planet, every species, and every being will be wiped from existence. Death is a relentless, inevitable, all-consuming motherflirker from which there is no escape. So… what’s the point?

Beings should never have this level of consciousness and higher thinking. There are no answers to these questions. My head was swimming, and as I said before, I didn’t know how to swim. I was drowning in a vortex of existentialism and nihilism. There was no point. Nothing happens after death. Nothing does come with the smallest sliver of a silver lining: You won’t be sad that you’re not alive. You won’t be disappointed, you won’t be regretful, you won’t be lonely, you won’t be. 

All I wanted to do was eat a Plysmorphian food crumb and cuddle with Luskem’s half-regrown body while in the fetal position. It was the only way to cope with the anxiety of a purposeless existence and the indifference of the universe.

I got a few million more followers after my last blog post, so that makes me feel better.

RATINGS

Hospitality — 2/10
Food — 8/10 before knowing how it’s made and 3/10 after
Sights — 10/10
Activities — 6/10
Family Friendly — 8/10 (must have mortality conversation with children before arriving)
Paralyzing Thoughts About Death — 1/10