51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

azyla (uh-zih-luh)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3270:

Azyla was a brief stop on our journey; there really wasn’t much to do, which is why I’m trying to spice things up with a semicolon. We arrived at a complete ghost town. There were no beings on the streets. No vehicles. There were only autonomous cleaning machines that rolled along the road, repaired dilapidating structures, and plucked plants growing between cracks in the buildings and roads. The city was immaculate because of these machines, but there weren’t any beings around to enjoy the sight. 

We had come across a lot of deserted civilizations on our journey, but none so well kempt, so we decided to go into one of the buildings thinking there still had to be some Azylans on the planet. An intelligent species must have built the structures, but based on what we’d seen across the universe, Pleeft was confident that they had all killed each other - purposely or accidentally… either way… dead. 

I knocked on a door. No answer. It wasn’t locked, so we walked right in. We weren’t breaking and entering, since there was no breaking involved. Entering is just fine on its own… I’m pretty sure. We turned the corner of the hallway and were met with a shrill scream, or maybe Pleeft and Luskem were the ones screaming, probably both. I’m super brave, so I’m sure it wasn’t me shrieking at the more-than-plump being who scared the flirk out of us. The rotund Azylan sat in a hovering chair with four legs dangling through holes in the chair seat. Its body overflowed from the edge of the seat and globs of flesh hung from the chair. The rest of the body and head didn’t seem to have any separation between each other and it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. Its skin wasn’t smooth and was a golden-brown color. The Azylan was a giant muffin top, specifically of the poppy seed variety (See Figure 36.1). 

Once the screaming fizzled, I explained that we were interstellar travelers exploring planets across the universe and introduced Luskem, Pleeft, and newcomer toast-bot. The Azylan told me that it hadn’t seen another being in person - not even another Azylan - since it separated from its mommy-daddy. [Note: Azylans gave birth simply by splitting in half when they grew too large. There are technically no moms or dads, but “mommy-daddy” is the best way to describe its parent. ...I guess “parent” would be an accurate way to describe it as well.] Each Azylan was then given its own living arrangements, built by the same autonomous robots that kept the city clean. 

The Azylan lifestyle was a simple one. They slept for 90% of the day and each Azylan worked from home, connected to the community by communication devices. When an Azylan needed something, they ordered it and it arrived via unpiloted aerial vehicle. An Azylan heard the voices of other Azylans or saw them on a video conference, but no Azylan ever left their residence. It’s unclear if they even physically could because it didn’t seem like their legs would be able to support their body weight after decades of convenience-induced, society-driven agoraphobia. I was sure the Azylans weren’t always like this, since they had to build the cities in the first place. But after centuries of a dangerous amount of luxurious accommodations, any species could fall victim to the same fat(e). It was far too easy to be lazy. In fact, it even rubbed off on me regardless of how briefly we visited. If you’re a loyal reader, which I’m sure you all are, you would have noticed that it’s taken me twice as long to write this planet entry than any other, and it’s also one of the shortest, if not the shortest, so far. And the trip has further fueled my procrastination of ever making it to Meiti. 

We asked the Azylan if they’d be interested in coming with us to meet another Azylan face to face, but they declined. Bored out of our minds and now lacking the motivation to meet a different being on the planet, we rummaged through the Azylans belongings once it fell asleep. I ate my daily Plysmorphian crumb and took a joy ride in one of the hovering chairs, but didn’t experience much joy. [Note: The chair could only go a top speed of 8 kilometers an hour.] The only food I found was in a closet stacked with jars of a substance that tasted like creamy lard. One jar, labeled as a different flavor, tasted like creamier lard. Although it was much easier to lounge and veg, we mustered up every last bit of will power and inner strength to get out of their before we, ourselves, turned into fat pieces of lard. We did not take either jar with us. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 3/10
Food — 2/10
Sights — 3/10
Activities — 1/10
Family Friendly — 7/10
Hovering Chairs — 2/10