51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

Balohn (bah-lohn)

Scort Muggins, Human year 3250:

Balohn was one of the earlier posts my father made on his travels. Apparently it was a must see, however, the sentient population there was struggling to figure out how to overcome an atmospheric disaster. The Balohnese were a species whose anatomy was mostly made up of nitrogen and helium, so they weren’t very heavy beings, which was good for weight loss; and they weren’t very dense beings, which was good for their intelligence. The big problem was, their atmosphere was slowly filling up with a gas called Guspal octmenthol. [Note: Guspal octmenthol is five times denser than the heaviest gas found in the Human Galactic, Tungsten hexaflouride.] The gas wasn’t lethal to them, but if their atmosphere filled up with enough Guspal octmenthol, the Balohnese would simply float off of Balohn, into the nothingness of outer space. I had to visit this bizarre planet and witness the Balohnese... if they were still there. 

I arrived to a bright neon pink planet. I got closer, almost touching the neon pink...thing, but I was still in space. I wasn’t on the planet. There was no atmosphere. I looked around and saw a single sign sticking up from the surface. Still imperfect with written language, my translator device told me the sign simply said “Go”,  so I followed the arrow pointing to the left. I kept going and going, fearing that I had gotten lost, but then I saw another sign in the distance and followed the arrow on that one. Several thousand miles and only four signs later, I came to a large opening in the neon pink and saw space shuttles going in and out. I figured I was in the right place, though they really needed more signage. I flew through the opening which was filled with an opaque fog that was nearly impossible to see through. It cleared in an instant, and I was finally on Balohn.

Balohn was beautiful. Gorgeous, welcoming mountains and a colorful, tropical jungle covered the surface. It was almost as if it had never been touched, growing and prospering with no interference whatsoever. I flew closer and saw massive trunks sprouting from the surface, harboring other flora and fauna jumping from branch to branch. And as I flew into the mountains, I couldn’t remember a time when I had seen such white snow, perfectly laid on top of the peaks without a footprint in sight. I flew all across the planet and was taken aback by the booming wildlife - my favorite of which were six-legged mammals the size of small buildings that had large snouts and droopy ears and loved to roll around in the shallow waters of the oceans. I called them floopers. I flew right into large, open caves that seemingly hadn’t been discovered yet. The only thing I didn’t see were the Balohnese. It appeared that they hadn’t figured out a solution to the Guspal octmenthol buildup and all floated away, but then I remembered the neon pink shield surrounding the planet. My investigative senses were tingling, and by using my investigation skills, I concluded the tingling sensation meant that I needed to investigate the pink shield further. 

I left the flourishing surface and took to the skies. It looked like a normal blue sky with a few clouds and three suns revolving around. Then I realized that it wasn’t a sky, but a ceiling… or floor rather, projecting an image of a sky across the planet. I got close enough to see the Balohns rolling their ball-like selves across the sky. I wasn’t sure how I could interact with them since my body was much more dense than their atmosphere, and I would certainly fall to my death if I got out of my ship. But then I saw a docking station for ships a ways away. Metal poles came down and attached to my ship from above and pulled it up closer to the fleiling. [Note: Fleiling = floor-ceiling] I got out and one of the gaseous Balohnese gave me special shoes that were incredibly magnetic. I walked around upside down with the Balohnese who only reached my waist in height - or diameter, more accurately. I followed the Balohnese that gave me the boots, and we walked into a building that was quite hard to see since it was the same color as the sky. It gave me a brief introduction to the tourist building, and I saw Balohnese rolling dowp [Note: Dowp = down-up] ramps as I was beginning to lose my orientation while receiving my orientation of Balohn. (See Figure 4.1)

A guide explained to me that they had built this massive cover surrounding the whole planet so they wouldn’t float away. They had been living like this for years, which accounts for the flourishing surface below without the intrusion of the Balohnese living miles above. With this fleiling, they could control the weather and create artificial sunlight, keeping the life ablow [Note: Ablow = above-below] them thriving. It also protected them against external forces, and the reason for the neon pink color was to make sure beings saw the planet and didn’t crash right into it. The guide was incredibly informative, but that doesn’t mean the guide was engaging. As a species, the Balohnese were excruciatingly dull. Total snoozefest. The hands ablow my head were due to gravity, not excitement, contrary to what the guide thought, I’m sure. As the blood rushed to my head and my vision began to blur, I decided to thank the guide and leave. I made my way back to my ship, but I’m not sure how long it took, as I was beginning to get even dizzier. Eventually, I took off. I must’ve been more confused than I thought because I didn’t make it back through the dense fog trap-door-sky-light I originally came in through. I ended up rocketing through the Balohn shell, creating a hole. I looked back and saw several hundred Balohnese floating through the hole and into the nothingness of space. 

Whoops. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 4/10 (provided boots, though there was a fee)
Food — N/A
Sights — 9/10
Activities — 1/10 (due to sickness and boredom)
Family Friendly — 6/10
Giving the Balohnese a Bologna Sandwich — 10/10