51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

Bixorm (bih-zorm)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3253:

Bixorm was directly on the way to Wimber, so I decided to make a quick detour. Although Bixorm was one of the first to be colonized by the Human Galactic, no one had heard anything from the planet for a few years. It was rich in resources and had an ideal climate to support life, but life never formed organically. It was a perfect planet to colonize. As the legend goes, after a couple weeks of cries for help, no one ever heard from them again. The Human Galactic labeled the planet a danger zone without any explanation, and not a soul has visited Bixorm since. I was sure there was a good reason for the extra caution, but I didn’t care. Everyone knows that authors sometimes have to put themselves in extreme danger to get a good story. Good authors always put their lives at risk. Great authors live to tell the story.

I landed just outside of a city, already confused. There were tall buildings and intricate architecture and every indication that the Bixormites thrived. But all of the structures were overgrown with vines and other plant life. The whole city was in decay, no Bixormites in sight to repair the buildings and roads. 

I walked down a city street and finally saw someone in the distance. 

I yelled out to them, “Hey! Where is everyone?” 

I didn’t get a vocal response, but I could tell that they heard me. Their head snapped in my direction, and they started charging directly toward me. 

“Stop! You’re not being very chill!” I shouted at them again.

They didn’t stop. My stern tone turned into screaming and running. The commotion must’ve attracted more Bixormites because before long, I was being chased by four more. Then, whole groups of Bixormites came running from the cross streets and joined the hunt. I had never run so fast, but I could tell that these Bixormites weren’t going to quit chasing me. On top of that, I got some terrible news: my stamina wasn’t what it used to be after my travels. I had to make it back to my ship. Fast.

It was tough to judge what a Bixormite looked like while sprinting for my life, between my gasps for oxygen and blood curdling shrieks. They appeared to be human, but they sure weren’t acting like it. It’s very rude to run full speed at a stranger without any explanation. Even ruder to do it all as a group, like there was some inside joke I wasn’t allowed to be part of. I couldn’t figure out what their deal was until I ran past a porckle of some kind. [Note: Porckles are four-legged, four-eared animals on Mars that have tiny bodies, but very long, thick fur so they look much larger than they are (See Figure 22.1).] The horde of Bixormites attacked the animal and ripped it apart with their mouths. Bixormites were extremely hangry. I had never witnessed such a hunger, but I imagined it was somewhat like how I felt about the food on Plysmorphis. I started craving my daily Plysmorphian crumb.

The animal gave me enough separation from the hungry Bixormites that I was able to make it back to my ship and get in before they violently ate me alive. As soon as I closed the door, a Bixormite flung itself at my ship and each one did the same after that. Soon, my whole ship was surrounded by Bixormites. I was finally able to get a good look at them through the windshield. They weren’t exactly human anymore and appeared to be decaying just as much as the city. I saw one that kind of resembled my father, and I thought for a second that I may have figured out why he disappeared from social media. But as I looked at the Bixormite closer, I realized that even in this decomposed state, it was still far more attractive than my father. 

I blasted off, and some of the Bixormites that were on top of my ship came with me. It wasn’t long until they slipped and fell hundreds of meters to their death, although I wasn’t sure if they could die. It was apparent that there weren’t any normal Bixormites left and they had all been enraged by a hunger they couldn’t satisfy. My Plysmorphian food box dinged, and I instantly ran to grab my crumb. 

I was well on my way to Wimber when I had to make a personal pit stop. I opened the bathroom door, and a Bixormite lunged at me. I closed the door just in time. Somehow it had found its way onto my ship and locked itself in. I was thankful it hadn’t come across a regrowing Luskem that wouldn’t have been able to run away. I had to get rid of the Bixormite somehow, but my immediate need was to find someplace else to go to the bathroom. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 0/10
Food — N/A
Sights — 7/10 (cities in ruin are a must-see)
Activities — 0/10
Family Friendly — 0/10
Running for Your Life — 2/10 (good cardio, but stressful)

NEHMAT (neh-MAHT)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3253:

Nehmat was relatively close by Bixorm, so I dropped off my hangry Bixormite friend. I landed in a vast field of penitentes that grew up to twenty meters tall. [Note: Penitentes are snow formations that are tall columns of snow and ice spaced closely together, pointing upward. They are formed by a positive feedback loop of sublimation that instantly evaporates the snow in between the columns, causing them to grow taller. Look it up. (See Figure 23.1)] I had never seen penitentes of this height anywhere in the universe. The field seemed to go on for hundreds of miles. 

I got off my ship and hid behind one of the icy columns. Then, I opened the bathroom door remotely and watched as the Bixormite slowly found its way off my vessel. It walked toward the snow column penitente I was hiding behind, and I slowly snuck around the other side, staying hidden. When the opportune moment came, I ran to my ship. Annoyed that the Bixormite had occupied my bathroom for so long, I grabbed my waste bottle I had been forced to relieve myself in and threw it at the Bixormite. The bottle hit the Bixormite directly in the head, and it fell down. 

I felt terrible about my childish behavior when I saw the Bixormite struggle to get to its feet. It wasn’t the Bixormite’s fault that it wanted to rip me to shreds because of a never-ending hunger. I would want to do the same thing if roles were reversed. I got off my ship to apologize, but I knew it wouldn’t understand anything I was going to say. Instead, I grabbed some snow from a penitente and playfully threw it at the Bixormite. It started walking toward me, and I ran behind another penitente. I grabbed more snow, peeked my head out from the column, and threw another snowball at the Bixormite. It saw me and started walking toward me again. I could tell that the Bixormite was having a good time from its half-decomposed smile and light-hearted grunts. I felt like I was playing fetch with a pet I’d had for a very, very long time. I named the Bixormite Shtef. [Note: Shtef was the name of my childhood pet - a Martian lizard.]

Shtef and I spent a long afternoon playing in the field of penitentes and sharing some giggles, though I could never get too close. After all, Shtef still wanted to eat me. Shtef even brushed its hand against a penitente and scraped off some snow - its subconscious attempt at making a snowball and throwing it back at me, I assumed. But I knew that our play date couldn’t last forever, and I needed to leave before I grew too attached. 

“Be free, Shtef. Go...” I told it.

The Bixormite just kept looking at me and walking toward me. I threw a couple more snowballs at Shtef - harder this time. 

“Go! Get out of here!” I shouted. “I don’t want to play with you anymore! GO!” 

I thought if Shtef hated me when I left, it wouldn’t feel sad. But it wasn’t hard to tell that this desperate attempt to detach myself was more for me than it was for Shtef. 

Through masculine tears, I got on my ship and blasted away from the field of penitentes. I watched Shtef roam around, looking for anything to eat. But I knew there was no life on Nehmat. Shtef would never find another meal. It would walk the planet for centuries, constantly hungry, never fulfilled. In a way, I could relate. I had been exploring the known universe looking for my father that I may never find, looking for answers to questions I hadn’t yet formed. 

We all have a perpetual hunger. Hunger for a purpose that may never become clear. We move, often directionless, through life, hoping to find something that will finally satisfy us. Always searching, always moving, always hungry - just like Shtef. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — N/A
Food — N/A
Sights — 9/10 (beautiful penitentes)
Activities — 7/10
Family Friendly — 5/10 (watch out for Shtef)
Deserting a Pet — 0/10