51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

pepodemia (peh-puh-dee-mee-uh)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3269:

There wasn’t any life on Pepodemia, or at least, any life from what I could see. Most of the land was arid and rocky and there wasn’t even any flora growing through the cracks in the ground. Pleeft was ready to turn around immediately, but then we came to a small lake, just about the size of an ancient football field. [Note: Football was a sport played by humans long ago on a 91.5 meter long field. When robots started to play in the XFL - an ancient football league - the game evolved into what we now call Ultimate Robo Deathmatch Extreme.] I had to investigate. I went to the edge of the lake and scanned the shallow waters for any sign of life. Nothing. Pleeft was right. I picked up a small rock and skipped it across the water. My technique is impeccable so it went as far as the middle of the lake. Right when the rock was about to plunge under the surface, a massive creature four times the size of a flungus exploded upward out of the water, swallowing my stone. [Note: A flungus is a marine predator originally bred in a laboratory that has since dominated the oceans of Mars.] I was drenched in the drops raining down and again when the monster fell back to the water. The splash zone was not well marked. The following wave came seconds later and reached my knees. It took minutes for the lake to settle. (See Figure 29.1)

I was baffled how such a gargantuan beast came from such a small lake. The lake had to be much deeper than I thought. I got back into the spaceship and we flew over the center. I pressed the “Water Mode” button and immediately plopped into the lake. The headlights turned on and the walls of the lake were illuminated. There was nowhere to go but down as the water kept going deeper and deeper. The hole of water opened up into a massive underground ocean with the land seemingly floating on top of it. I knew it couldn’t actually float. It must’ve been supported by something miles away. 

We saw the ocean monster that had breached the surface and followed it as it dove deeper. The light from the surface began to fade and even the headlights started to shrink as the beams were lost in the endless darkness. We kept going in the same direction even though we had lost sight of the beast we were following. 

Suddenly, a wall appeared before us, and I had to dodge it at the last moment to avoid a crash that would’ve definitely cracked my windshield. And no doubt that crack would’ve grown and broken under the immense pressure of the water above me. Luskem, Pleeft, and I would’ve been crushed and our bodies instantly explode. This rock wall must’ve been what was supporting the surface land. I maneuvered around and discovered that it was more of a pillar. Then I almost ran into another rock pillar of the same size moments later. Good thing I was an incredible sailor. 

We descended farther, following the line of one of the pillars. We dove deeper than I knew there were depths to dive. Oddly enough, I saw a dim light ahead. Maybe I had somehow gotten turned around and began to approach the surface, but I thought it unlikely since my sense of direction was as accurate as a flock of oglebuds [Note: Oglebuds are Martian antarctic avian animals.][ flying north for the winter. I went toward the light and it grew in size. Eventually, we realized it was many lights as we entered an entire ecosystem of bioluminescent animals and plants. 

The underground ocean was swiftly lit up by millions of glowing lights moving over each other. The beast we had followed swam between the rock pillars supporting the land above. It opened its mouth to swallow the smaller glowing creatures, though there were so many critters that the light never diminished. We spent hours exploring the underground ocean, fascinated by the lights and wildlife. (See Figure 29.2)

Some might say that the whole experience was an unmistakable metaphor. Underneath the surface of Pepodemia was an active, beautiful world full of discovery and life. I only saw things for exactly what they were on the surface, never looking deeper. And never looking deeper within myself, always scared of what I might find… or what I won’t find. Beginning this journey was never about proving my mother’s and my innocence regarding the disappearance of my father. It was motivated by something else, something much more profound and personal. Something deeper. 

But similes and metaphors are as dumb as using a simile to describe how dumb similes and metaphors are.

I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and ate my daily crumb of Plysmorphian food, got a good buzz going, and enjoyed the light show for what it was. I sat back and relaxed as I put my ship on autopilot and we zenned the flirk out. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — N/A
Food — N/A
Sights — 10/10
Activities — 8/10
Family Friendly — 10/10
Literally Never Looking Deeper — 1/10
Metaphorically Never Looking Deeper — 8/10