About the Author
Self Portrait by Scort Muggins
Most people think it’s hard to come up with the first sentence of an “About the Author,” but SCORT MUGGINS is one of the best authors ever, so it’s easy for him. Scort Muggins was born on Mars on Second July 33rd, 3218 [Note: Martian calendar date] to parents Carfie and Billip. Scort is 12% White, 12% Asian, 12% American Indian/Alaskan Native, 12% Pacific Islander, 12% Black, 12% Hispanic, 12% Middle Eastern, and 16% other… just like everyone else. Scort has the Human Galactic-approved knowledge chip in his brain that everyone gets when they turn 12, and he speaks the official language of the Human Galactic - Chinese. [Note: Chinese became the official language of the Human Galactic after the Water Wars of 2250.] He has one alien friend, so you know he’s not specie-ist. He’s definitely not a virgin. He’s had sex with men, women, theys, thems, the other 83 genders, and some aliens, but never a transspecies. He’s not against it, it’s just not his thing. He was really good at dupownball (a sport that’s explained later), thought about going pro, got injured, and never played the same again. He’s read one book.
Even at an early age, Scort loved to explore the newly terraformed planet, never going a day without wandering somewhere new. He was the first to climb to the peak of Mount Pavonis Mons at age 17 and by the young age of 19, he became the most prominent travel writer on Mars. Scort was the first person to circumnavigate the planet, and from that experience, authored the book Magellan Like a Felon. He’s also authored famous books such as Mars: Discovering the New World While Discovering Myself and How to Walk Across Mars on 0.000001 Bitcoin a Day. It’s curious that his mother let him have so much freedom at such a young age, but it’s probably because she spent most of her time on pills, crying in her bedroom, heartbroken from when Scort’s father left when he was only four years old.
As well as being a celebrated travel author, Scort’s artwork has caught the eye of the masses. His combination of surrealism and impressionism created a new art form called supressionism. Scort’s work revolutionized modern Mars artistry, and he has become one of the most renowned artists and authors on Mars. Although he could have taken photographs on his travels, he didn’t want to rob his audience of his masterful artwork. Much like his self-portrait above, his own illustrations will be featured throughout this collection of travel posts.
Having risen to fame in such a short time, Scort began to look to the stars to fulfill his ambitions - his itch to explore turned into a full-blown rash and the only ointment was to travel across the known universe. Using the profits from his previous work and support from his many social media sponsors, Scort is now the owner of a state-of-the-art spaceship (still not available to the public). After absolutely crushing his pilot lessons in record time, he was ready to say goodbye to Mars, and his half-conscious mother, and say hello to whatever he might find out there in the cold, black nothingness of space.
Scort is excited to explore with you! There’s a whole universe to see.
— Written in Third Person by Scort Muggins
IMPORTANT NOTE: Scort Muggins has a translator device that can translate any alien language. If at any point you think to yourself… “Wait, how is he communicating with these creatures???”… then stop. Don’t make any complaints about the legitimacy of the technology mentioned in this blog. It’s all real. It’s science.