Earth
Gross.
Earth (urth)
Scort Muggins, Human year 3240:
I started my long journey by going to the closest habitable planet. “Habitable” was a stretch. It took me a long time to even find land. It seemed like the whole planet was covered by vast oceans, but when I landed on a shore, it didn’t seem like these were friendly oceans. There was no life swimming in the waters. The waves would wash up on the shores and make a horrible hissing sound as if the acid in the water was burning the beach. The stench was terrible. And it was hot. Really hot.
I explored for a little bit, but there wasn’t much to see. The life that I had heard about was totally gone. There were no plants and no animals. I had to cut my expedition short because of the massive dust storms coming in my direction. All I really got to see were dead forests and lifeless mountains with no snow on the peaks. In fact, while flying across the planet, I didn’t see any snow or ice, like it had all vanished along with the ancient humans that used to live there.
After the dust storm passed, I went to explore a different part of the planet, but I just saw more of the same thing. This planet was trash. Nothing lived here, or at least that’s what I thought until I saw a man in rags, scouring the dead landscape. I assumed he was in search of food and water, meanwhile, I was chugging water and dumping it over my head to keep cool. The water would evaporate almost instantly, so I hoped he didn’t notice. Otherwise, I would’ve felt guilty... but only if he noticed.
He must’ve been the last thing living on the planet. He spotted me and picked up his pace, almost charging me. I hid my water bottle behind my back, hoping he would calm down, but I’m sure I was still the first person he’d seen in decades. He kept running and screaming at me to help him like it was my job to save this crazy person still living on a worthless planet like this one. It was his fault for not leaving earlier. Although, I did feel bad and wanted to help. But as soon as I took a step toward him, I saw a group of people surround the crazy man. I couldn’t tell if he was being saved or being attacked, but either way, I didn’t want to involve myself in Earth politics. At least he wasn’t alone anymore.
I got back on my ship, and I took off as soon as I could. Though I wish my father was starving on a dead planet, there was no sign of him. I didn’t want to stay any longer on this wasteland, and I blasted off into the cloudless sky. I’d avoid this dump of a planet. I couldn’t believe humans came from this dilapidated rock in space. Earth: hard pass.
RATINGS
Hospitality — 0/10
Food — 0/10
Sights — 0/10
Activities — 0/10
Family Friendly — 0/10
Being Chased by a Maniac — 0/10