51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

WIMBER (wihm-bur)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3253:

Wimber was a planet with a population that was aware of the Human Galactic community, but chose not to participate politically or explore other parts of the universe. In fact, I hadn’t heard of any Wimberling traveling outside of their home planet. There was something very appealing about staying on Wimber, and I assumed it had something to do with their reputation of being one big party planet. 

We flew into the atmosphere and headed toward what looked like a major city. On our way there, a few energy beams were shot at my ship. I took evasive action, but the beams were never very close to hitting my ship. I looked below us and saw two Wimberlings with a single phaser gun, cackling. 

I docked in the city, and we got off the ship - me, Pleeft, and a fully regrown Luskem. LUSKEM IS BACK BABY. AND JUST IN TIME FOR SOME SHENANIGANS. There was a Wimberling attendant there to assist us, but it seemed to be half asleep. Wimberlings were about twice the size of an average human and… heavy. Their skin was yellow and looked somewhat reptilian. They had four eyes - a pair in two different places - and a very, very wide mouth in the center of their face. [Note: Though Wimberlings had teeth, there were always some missing, but never in the same place.] This Wimberling’s eyes kept closing one at a time as it was swaying. I couldn’t tell where their nose was. Maybe they didn’t have a sense of smell. (See Figure 24.1)

I noticed a docking fee on the Wimberling attendant’s screen, but the being was in a daze and didn’t ask me for any money. I wasn’t about to bring it up and we went on our merry way. It appeared that most Wimberlings were in a daze, stumbling about. Although, some were more energetic, running amok and screaming. Others looked like they were yelling at each other in heated arguments, spit flying from their immense mouths. I wasn’t sure if the spit was abnormal or that was just how they talked. This was already starting to seem like a party planet where I would spend most of my time looking at my devices and avoiding actual contact with beings, but I tried to keep an open mind. The city was clean enough, at least. The reason for that was the giant, robotic street cleaners that even had a mechanism to push sleeping Wimberlings on the street out of the way. 

Honestly, every Wimberling here was... completely obliterated. I found out why when we stopped at a diner, starving from our trip. We were given glasses of clear liquid, as was every table at the diner (See Figure 24.2). I assumed it was water. When I got a whiff of it, I knew it wasn’t and I knew that, indeed, Wimberlings did not have a sense of smell. I almost vomited just from the smell. It was fairly tasteless, though, so I was able to plug my nose and give it a try. Just after one sip, I started to feel a little different. I turned to Pleeft who had soaked it up through her soil. She was passed out on the dirt in her bowl. I turned to a giggling Luskem, whose tentacle eyes swayed and had a hard time focusing on me. After I finished the glass, I felt VERY different. I asked the waiter what it was, and the Wimberling told us that it was an essential part of their diet. Every Wimberling drank 6-8 glasses of it every sol. [Note: This was much like the diet of a Martian monglosheeb that lives off flewptaklis leaves. The leaf gives them ample nutrition, but also makes them high for the majority of their lifespan.] I honestly don’t remember what I ordered at the diner or if I even finished the meal, but I remember shoveling it into my mouth. 

At the diner, we made some friends with some native Wimberlings. I vaguely remember singing songs with them and jumping up on the table to belt and shout even louder. They took us to another place where a bunch of Wimberlings were hanging out, carrying us on their shoulders and cheering my name. This planet was a blast. We played games. We swapped stories. Luskem took a dive on a table and broke it in half. [Note: To improve their dexterity, I had Luskem draw this masterpiece with its new limbs. I think we have another artist in the family (See Figure 24.3).] I had a heart-to-heart with several of the Wimberlings. I told them tales of my travels and even dove into my relationship with my father. I cried, they consoled me. I know I asked them if he had visited the planet and where he might be, but I can’t for the life of me remember their answer. All I remember is us chanting something along these lines:

“FLIRK HIM. FLIRK HIM. FLIRK HIM.” 

We went to several more places and drank more of their fun juice. [Note: Fun juice - what I’ll be calling their “water” from now on.] The next thing I knew, it was morning and I didn’t know where I was. I definitely knew that I was still drunk, and I think it was someone’s living quarters. I was on the floor, surrounded by empty glasses. I looked around. Luskem was on the floor by the broken table. Pleeft was talking to a houseplant that wasn’t talking back. The only thing I could do was lie back down. 

One of the Wimberlings that we had met the day before came out of a room. I think its name was Burto… or Durto… something -urto. It handed me another glass of their fun juice and when I smelled it this time, I couldn’t help but vomit. The being said that if I powered through, it would make me feel better. I just needed to get rehydrated. Not an hour passed and we were back in the city, running around on the streets and making friends wherever we went. This time, we used a funnel device that had a tube that went into a Wimberlings colossal mouth. Another Wimberling would pour the fun juice into the funnel device as the other would drink it in its entirety. I noticed another group of Wimberlings with the similar funnel device, but putting the end of the tube in a place that I couldn’t see. 

That night we went to a much bigger place where thousands of Wimberlings were gathered. There were magnificent lights swirling around the room, catching on clouds of heat and moisture coming from the mob. Purto… or Nurto… and the rest of the Wimberling gang hoisted me up and sent me surfing across the crowd. The Wimberlings were strong, and I went much higher than I expected. Attention must have gone elsewhere because when I came back down, I plummeted to the floor. But I didn’t feel a thing. 

When I found my way back to my posse of Wimberlings, they dared me to make a move on a Wimberling that had been eyeing me the entire night. I told them they were crazy, but I went for it anyway. The nerves got the best of me and I stumbled through a couple of sentences before stumbling into the cute Wimberling. I tried to apologize, but I was knocked out cold by the Wimberling’s friend. I understood why Wimberling’s had so many teeth missing. 

When I came to, I was back in Turto… or Vurto’s living space with the rest of the gang. They saw me wake up and started chanting that I was “The Wim.” What a compliment! 

I wasn’t sure how these Wimberlings kept drinking their fun juice. I guess they had to.

We repeated the same activities the next day. This time it wasn’t as much fun. I started getting upset and felt like we might be wasting valuable time on the planet. It wasn’t even clear if I would remember my experience. I should have been trying to track down my father. I ran away from the gathering place and didn’t stop until I thought I might puke again… which admittedly wasn’t very far. Then, I broke down and cried. It was difficult to pinpoint what exactly I was sad about. When Luskem and Conchurto… or Buffurto caught up with me and asked what was wrong, it was also hard for them to understand what had upset me. I wasn’t making much sense, attempting to form sentences while bawling, gasping for breath, and slurring my words. Something I said must have struck a nerve with the Wimberling because before I knew it, we were screaming at each other. Everything we said made the other angrier and louder. Luskem joined in on the argument as well. I only remember Luskem spraying the words “selfish” and “kidnapper” and my response being “ungrateful” along with some regrettable expletives. The verbal abuse from the Wimberling came to a climax, and I shoved the being to the ground. There was a deafening silence. Luskem helped the Wimberling up, and they walked away. It didn’t matter how much I apologized in that moment, things would never be the same between us after that. 

On the morning of the sixth day, I knew my body had had enough. This was no way to live. The Wimberlings were all dependent on something that wasn’t good for them. Sure, their “water” was fun juice sometimes, but other times it was sad, angry, irrational, violent, and destructive… juice. It was time for us to leave. This was definitely just a five-night planet.

I felt more shame than I had ever felt in my life. I wondered if my father had had a similar experience on the planet, but figured he wasn’t capable of shame. I couldn’t turn into my father. And I wouldn’t. I had to take responsibility for what I did. 

I packed up my stuff and found Pleeft, who had been replanted at some point during the night and given a proper pot, though rather messily. There was soil all over the place. Luskem was still sleeping, but I nudged them and said it was time to go. They turned away without saying anything. 

“Come on, I’m sorry. We can talk about it on the ship,” I pleaded.

“I thought you said you didn’t want me traveling with you anymore,” Luskem mumbled sourly. 

I didn’t remember saying that.

“I said a lot of things I didn’t mean last night. I’m sorry.” 

“Me too.” 

We said our tearful goodbyes to the Wimberlings. I apologized again to Rurto… or Shurto, this time with a clear head. [Note: I will admit that I was still intoxicated, but I hadn’t had anything more to drink that day.] The Wimberling said not to worry about it - it knew that I didn’t mean to get aggressive. Blurto… or Flurto had experienced that many times before, so there was no reason to make a big deal about it. The being gave me one last cup of fun juice, which I was hesitant to accept. But I was hopeful that this was a way to mend our relationship, or at least put a bandaid over a bullet hole. We shared one last cup and hugged. 

When I was younger, kids told me that if you learned something while drunk or high, then you’d remember it better when drunk or high… something to do with matching memory states. I always figured it was an excuse to party on more than a few occasions. Turns out, there might be something to it because I finally remembered what the Wimberlings told me about my father. They hadn’t interacted with him personally - he was probably on another part of the planet. But they did tell me that they knew where I could go to get some answers. All the answers. Pleeft, Luskem, and I got on my ship and took off for our next destination. I’d miss those Wimberlings. 

As chance would have it, I wouldn’t have to miss all of them because once we were several million miles away, I found Lurto… or Squrto had stumbled onto my ship for one last goodbye, but passed out before making it to the cockpit. Now, not having any of their fun juice, it was screaming in pain, so incredibly hungover after being intoxicated for its entire life. It was heartbreaking to see a creature so physically and psychologically dependent on something.

Ding! That’s when the alert on my Plysmorphian food box went off, and I finally got to eat my crumb for the day. I left the driver seat and dashed to the box immediately. It tasted so good. I needed that crumb. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 9/10
Food — 9/10
Sights — 2/10
Activities — 10/10
Family Friendly — 0/10
Fun Juice — 5/10 (very mixed results)