Okulafa
Well… poop.
OKULAFA (AH-koo-LAH-fah)
Scort Muggins, Human year 3251:
As I approached Okulafa, I paused just before entering the atmosphere. It was as if the planet was undergoing a constant geological shift happening tens of millions of times quicker than on any other planet I had visited. The continents were crashing together and pulling apart right before my eyes. But, I knew for a fact that Okulafa had long cooled billions of years ago, and it was impossible for the land to have been moving so quickly.
When I entered the atmosphere, I seemed to reach land much faster than expected. As dozens of clunks and thuds hit my ship from every direction, I realized that the speeding continents I witnessed were actually massive flocks of flying animals. I worried there were so many that they would damage my ship, so I quickly powered through the cloud of soaring creatures, hearing even more thumps as I picked up speed. I felt awful for possibly killing these creatures, but they were surrounding me and left me nowhere to go. I figured if I pushed through as quickly as I could, then I wouldn’t hit so many. I’m not sure if I was right.
I finally broke through the swarm, and after wiping away the ruptured insides of the creatures from my windshield and then vomiting, I saw the actual land below me. It was made of up white rock and was relatively barren save for a few plants poking up from the surface, but even those had been stripped of leaves or any sign of life. The flock of Okulafans above me must’ve spanned the entire planet if I wasn’t able to make out the ground from outer space. And with the land so barren, I wondered what they ate.
I kept flying across the planet and finally found huge amounts of plant life below me. There wasn’t a single centimeter that didn’t have something growing from the dirt. But then it was suddenly covered by billions of Okulafans that feasted on the plants. Merely minutes later, the Okulafans took flight again and there was absolutely nothing there except for a few bare twigs.
I landed in the acres of dirt and got out of my ship. I looked at the skies that were filled with swarms of Okulafans all following one another and creating beautiful shapes and patterns. It was like they were dancing with nature. This planet seemed to only support one form of animal life and one form of plant life. It wasn’t very diverse, but it seemed to work for Okulafa. It occurred to me that the piece of land I was standing on was brown like dirt, and the land I flew over was white and rocky, so at least there was some diversity in Okulafa’s topography.
I decided to lay down and have a picnic while enjoying the view. I sat Luskem’s leg down next to me and we watched the ever-changing painting in the skies while munching on a nice charcuterie plate and a Plysmorphian food crumb. I noticed a lone Okulafan still feasting on a plant. They were no taller than a half a meter with a wingspan that was roughly the same length. They had two pairs of wings and apparently no feet which made it difficult to eat, but they were quite adept at rolling around on the ground. I noticed two eyes on the bottom of each side of their head - they only needed to see the flora below them and never had to worry about predators attacking from above. Their mouths were long and rectangular. They didn’t have individual teeth, but had a rough upper and lower beak that was a grinding machine. (See Figure 10.1) The Okulafan would repeatedly smash the flora with their powerful jaws until the leaves made it down its throat. The Okulafan took off immediately after it finished chewing and rejoined the swarm. I grabbed one of the few plants left and chewed it briefly before spitting it out. Not for me.
Figure 10.1 - Okulafan
I was enjoying the swarm show with Luskem, but it started to rain, though there oddly weren’t any clouds in the sky. I first felt a drop on my leg and thought nothing of it, but then I felt a drop on my arm, and it was much larger than the rain drops I was used to on Mars. I looked at my arm, and the drop was white. I didn’t have time to react, and I was still laying down when a hailstorm of white rain came down on me. The Okulafans were defecating on me by the masses. I couldn’t believe this shap. [Note: Shap is a curse word for fecal matter.] The situation was somehow familiar to me - being an influencer with an online presence, I was used to millions of anonymous little shaps coming at me. I laid there, letting the Okulafan shap wash over me, thinking I would feel a sense of rebirth and transformation. I didn’t.
I grabbed Luskem’s leg and went straight to the cleaning apparatus on my ship. I came to the realization that the white Okulafan land I had flown over wasn’t the rocky barren landscape I thought it to be - it had actually just been fertilized. I also came to the realization that I had never been in a cleaning apparatus with an alien leg before. I wondered if an alien leg had ever been in a cleaning apparatus with a human. The things we think about in cleaning apparatuses…
I took off as soon as Luskem’s leg and I were clean and cozy. I reached the swarm in the sky and tried to stay clear of the Okulafans, but my windshield wipers couldn’t keep up with the white rain. I couldn’t see where I was going, and when I heard the thuds on my ship, I blasted full throttle out of the atmosphere. As I left Okulafa, I wiped away the last of the waste along with the body parts of some unsuspecting Okulafans.
RATINGS
Hospitality — 0/10
Food — 2/10
Sights — 10/10
Activities — 8/10
Family Friendly — 3/10
Poop — 1/10