51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

Bolem (boh-lehm)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3271:

Well… the solidified rock precipitation from the stonestorm on Crokovo did a lot more damage to the ship than I expected. We were halfway to Clyan - the only remaining planet from my father’s social posts that we hadn’t visited - when sirens and alarms and lights went off all at once. We couldn’t keep going. We had to stop. I searched the Human Galactic’s network for a place to repair the ship, but all of our options were too far away. We weren’t going to make it. Our only choice was to stop on one of two planets - Bolem or Nomerst - where the intelligent species may have the ability to repair a ship… or at least that’s what the Human Galactic network reported. We had to pick fast. Luskem and Pleeft played rock, paper, scissors for it, but with their appendages, Luskem could only throw rock and Pleeft could only throw paper. You might think that this whole explanation is a waste of time because the above title is “Bolem,” so it’s obvious that we must be going to Bolem. But no one asked your opinion. Art is all about the unexpected. We’re going to flirking Nomerst!!! 

We went to Bolem. 

Bolem didn’t have a lot of foliage. It was open, flat terrain with very little elevation. I thought this would make building structures much easier than a rocky and mountainous landscape, but I didn’t see any buildings at all. The Human Galactic had screwed us. We should’ve gone to Nomerst. As soon as Luskem and Pleeft started blaming each other over their rock, paper, scissors game, I saw a tiny head pop out from the ground. A small body came out of the ground and then a few more critters after that. 

We walked closer to get a better look and the creatures froze, staring directly at us. We froze too, not wanting to scare them off. After they lost interest in us, we slowly continued toward them, but froze again when they looked back. We continued the game of red light green light for way too long. It was a slog. We were too far away from them for it to be any fun. I got lazy and they caught me moving. The critters screamed, ran around, bumped into each other, and dove back into the hole shouting obscenities and warning others below of giant beasts coming toward them. 

We didn’t know that they spoke a language. I would’ve tried to talk to them instead of wasting time with childish games. We got up to the hole and looked down into the fifteen centimeter diameter of darkness. Then, all at once, our faces were hit by dozens of pellets and tiny sparks that didn’t exactly burn or hurt too much, but were definitely annoying. We yelled at them to quit it and they instantly stopped. One furry head hesitantly poked out of the hole, staring at us confused, like it didn’t understand what it had heard. 

“Hey,” I said. 

“AHHHHH!!! The beasts speak!!!” it alerted the others below. 

We explained that we were beasts from another world. Several hundred Bolemites came out of the hole and surrounded us. We sat down to get closer. The Bolemites were about twenty centimeters long and seven centimeters wide, but most of that seemed to be thick fur ranging in colors from brown to yellow. They each had six legs they scurried on, but were able to stand on their four hind legs as they pleased. The Bolemites would be absolutely adorable if not for the four eyes and giant ears that were half of their body size. (See Figure 48.1)

They were all asking us questions at the same time, and we couldn’t focus on a single one. My head kept spinning around as they asked me where I was from, how I got there, and what my intentions were for their planet. Even though these creatures lived underground, they still had a knowledge of the universe and had developed weapons that may not have been able to do much damage to me, but could easily kill one of them. We quieted them down and told them about our journey. When I got to the part about me killing a bunch of Chaxians, they screamed, which was fair... But they weren’t screaming at me. They sounded the alarms and ordered everyone to get back in the hole, running all over each other, pushing and shoving their way to be the first Bolemites in. Everyone disappeared, and we looked around to see what they were so scared of. 

There was a flying creature directly above us. It was big. Much, much bigger than a tiny Bolemite. These flying creatures were no doubt a predator of the Bolemites. Obviously, the Bolemites were much more intelligent than the animal, but there is only so much you can do against a monster that is seventy times your size. The creature flew closer to us and the Bolemite hole. The wingspan was about twelve meters, but it’s body wasn’t much bigger than mine. Still, it was a terrifying animal when it landed on the ground in front of us and stared us down with its laser-focused three eyes. It’s long mouth opened to reveal four rows of razor-sharp teeth. It didn’t have any feathers or scales, only a pale pink skin. It was a disgusting thing to look at. It spread its wings and stood as tall as it could to intimidate us, hoping to scare us away and snack on the Bolemites. I spread my arms as far as I could. We stood like that, staring at each other. Luskem and Pleeft stared it down with me. None of us made the slightest twitch. 

Then I pulled out my laser gun and shot it dead. It fell to the ground immediately. As it laid, smoking on the ground, toast-bot ironically asked —

“Do you want some toast?”

Sick burn. 

We told the Bolemites they were safe, and one by one, they tentatively poked their heads out. All of them saw the dead flying creature and laughed and cried with glee. The relief and joy turned to anger and thoughts of revenge as hundreds of them surrounded the beast and ripped it apart bit by little bit, eating it until there was nothing left like a swarm of gisnakis. [Note: Gisnakis are Martian insects that… you know... swarm things.] I hadn’t expected this kind of carnivorous behavior from the Bolemites, but then again, I hadn’t had a chance to ask them about their diet. 

They thanked us for liberating them and providing them with food for weeks. In exchange, I asked them to repair our damaged ship. Their technology seemed capable enough, though they only had experience with devices that were much smaller. I thought it would be fun camping out in a spaceship with Luskem, Pleeft, and toast-bot while they made the repairs. It took a few human months to gather the supplies we needed, and several more for them to actually get the ship working again. 

Camping out in a spaceship isn’t fun for that long. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 2/10
Food — 1/10
Sights — 12/10 (would pet again)
Activities — 2/10
Family Friendly — 5/10 (be sure to protect small children from flying beasts, but they’ll love the adorable Bolemites!)
Liberating a Species — 10/10

NOMERST (NAH-merst)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3272:

Well the Bolemites did a terrible flirking job repairing the ship. We didn’t go one lightyear before the sirens and alarms and lights all started going off again. It was time to try our luck on Nomerst instead. Maybe they had better technology. 

Nomerst was eerily similar to Bolem, although it was much smaller in size and less dense, meaning the gravity was a lot lower in comparison. The land was mostly flat and there wasn’t much foliage. There was more foliage than Bolem, but a lot of it looked like it had been trampled by horrible weather or a natural disaster of some kind. Many of the tall plants had been snapped in half. 

We looked around for a while, and just like Bolem, we saw a tiny head pop out of a hole in the distance. These couldn’t have been the same creatures from the planet just a lightyear away. We walked closer to the hole, trying to avoid another childish game of red light green light, and thankfully, the creature in the hole didn’t run in fear. As we got closer we saw that it was a much bigger hole and a much bigger head. The Nomerstards looked almost identical to the Bolemites but were about seventy times the size - a bit larger than me and just about the same size as the flying creature on Bolem. They had massive ears half their body length and four eyes with a fur coat you could fall asleep in. The similarity between the two species was next to impossible. 

The Nomerstard kept looking around, not paying attention to us. Rude. You’d think at least one of the four eyes could give us the time of day. It ducked back down into the hole very suddenly and yelled at us to follow. First, it ignored us, then it ordered us around. The nerve. I didn’t expect parades and fanfare, but it would’ve been nice. We hadn’t gotten it in a while. I guess at this point - for most species - the excitement of meeting an alien from another planet had worn off.

A shadow suddenly covered the entire plane. We looked up and saw a gargantuan flying beast that was seventy times the size of the one we had seen on Bolem. It took us no time to dive into the hole and avoid the powerful gust from its wings. The ship was still out there, and I worried what kind of condition it would be in after the harsh wind. But it was already broken anyway…  

Inside the hole was an intricate system of tunnels that could wrap around the entire planet five times. The Nomerst technology was advanced and they had been working on a spaceship that could take them away from the planet. They had a vast knowledge of other planets in the universe which explained why our presence was no surprise. When I mentioned Bolem, they were already familiar. In fact, that was the planet they were hoping to migrate to since the atmosphere and terrain were almost identical. I couldn’t keep the adorable image out of my mind of a Nomerstard with a little Bolemite on its shoulder, living in peace and harmony (See Figure 49.1). But they had a big problem. A massive problem. The flying behemoth outside was instantly attracted by the loud booms of a rocket launch. Three shuttles had already been ripped out of the sky by the creature, exploding in midair, and killing every Nomerstard on board. They needed to take military action against it in order to escape. Of course, they asked for our help and superior alien technology, but the weapons we were equipped with still couldn’t handle anything the size of that monster. 

The Nomerstards were polite enough to offer us a dark pit to stay in while they quietly brought our ship underground. The lack of natural light in the hole was haunting and the food was made up of insects dug from the ground. [NOTE: Nomerstards feed on blugurgs, which are giant worm-like insects that live in the ground. The worms are capable of destroying the tunnel system with their powerful burrowing, but the Nomerstards have a blugurg detection system that alerts them before the enormous insects get too close.] The thought of what I was eating was worse than the taste - the Nomerstards had an incredible handle on the subtle art of spices and herbs. They got to work repairing the ship right away. 

We spent four years there… four long, dark years.

At least, it was documented as four years; it was difficult to grasp the passing of time without the light of their star. About three years were lost to several bouts of depression, hopelessness, and self-pity. If all of the intermittent productive time was pieced together, it would total the other year. In that time, I tried to help the Nomerstard generals advance their technology and weaponry as much as I could, but I wasn’t an engineer. I was a goddamn explorer. And I told them so several times. We were busy trying to deduce where my father was. In our dark hole, I put together all of the clues I had gathered along the way. I documented everything. Every planet was put on our dirt wall, and I connected them with red string. I went through five balls of red string. But even if I had a sixth ball of red string, I wouldn’t have been able to figure out where my father was. We needed to get to the last lead we had. We needed to go to Clyan. We needed to leave Nomerst. 

The first step to getting off the planet was killing the colossal beast above ground. I thought back to the Bolemites swarming the dead flying creature, ravaging the thing in seconds. We suggested the Nomerstards do the same. There were millions of them in the prison of a tunnels, and the monster would never be able to kill all of them at once. They could surround the creature and eat it bit by giant bit. It didn’t matter if it was still alive. There was power in numbers. We finished our dramatic pitch, but our call to action was met with silent, dumbfounded stares. Sure, it wasn’t the perfect plan, but they were desperate. The top generals agreed to the plan. 

Three human months later, every Nomerstard was prepped and ready for a fight. Hundreds of holes had been dug up to the surface, so more Nomerstards could get out all at once. Because of the military genius we displayed, the Nomerstards made us generals in their army, and we were given the responsibility to lead a horde of Nomerstards. We all assumed our positions and started making as much noise as possible to attract the flying monster. It took no time at all before the beast showed up and pecked at the Nomerstards in their holes. A few dozen soldiers went flying into the air when the beast whacked them with its head. This was the moment. Millions of Nomerstards erupted from the holes and attacked the monster from all sides. 

We ran as fast as we could and led our soldiers into battle. Riding on top of toast-bot, Pleeft was the quickest, but she started to slow down as the swarm gained steam. She stopped Luskem and I. 

“They got this. Let’s ditch and leave while the beast is distracted.”

After what felt like an eternity of living in darkness underground, I didn’t need any more convincing. We turned around, dove back into the hole, and grabbed our ship. As we blasted off, we saw the horde of Nomerstards climbing up the monstrosity and slowly tearing it to shreds, bite after bite. But hundreds of them were still being crushed underneath its feet or catapulted hundreds of meters by a swift flick of its wings. I couldn’t just leave them. I turned the ship around and blasted the creature with all of the weapons the ship was equipped with. It didn’t do much against the giant, but it was something. It definitely did more damage than a Nomerstard chomp. The crowd of soldiers cheered on the air support, not realizing that we had been fleeing moments before and would have been long gone if not for my sudden change of heart. Pleeft was ticked, but Luskem was glad we turned around to help. 

The flying beast toppled to the ground and was overwhelmed by the millions of soldiers. The Nomerstards would finally be able to leave the planet and meet up with the Bolemites. But the image of them on each other’s shoulders wasn’t cute enough to make me want to go back to Bolem. We escaped Nomerst and got as far away as possible, heading straight toward Clyan. 

I will try to make the below ratings as unbiased as possible after the worst car trouble imaginable. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 0/10
Food — 0/10
Sights — 0/10
Activities — 0/10
Family Friendly — 0/10
Dark Pits — 0/10