51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

Ertaw (er-taw)

Scort Muggins, Human year 3250:

I was rerouted from the mainland on Ertaw because it was too overpopulated. I was forced to land on an island instead. The island was about 400 hundred square miles according to my naked eye guesstimate that I pulled from nowhere, having no surveying experience. It had a robust infrastructure with dozens of tall structures and hundreds of vehicles moving from within. I was directed to land close to the shore of the island, and as soon as I docked, I was given a uniform with a helmet.

“March to your orientation, soldier… you skinny flirk,” the Ertawon yelled.

I had no idea what the Ertawon was talking about, but I did understand why it called me a skinny flirk, though the crass language was unecessary. I looked nothing like an Ertawon. They had three massive legs and stump feet that were like cones coming from a smaller, round head-body. [Note: There is no discernible difference between the head and the body.] Eight, much thinner arms came from the top of their head-body. At the ends of these less girthy arms were eyes that were also used as hands when the eyelids were closed. Their skin was red and slimy, but not so much that it was off-putting. (See Figure 8.1) The Ertawons were very wide creatures, and it instantly became apparent why there wasn’t much room on the mainland. I didn’t think the uniform I was given would be even close to fitting me, but I tried to put it on anyway. My body filled one of the leg holes, and I wore it like a loose robe while I threw the rest of the material behind my back like a cape. I still looked incredible. 

At the orientation, I took a seat next to an Ertawon that was taking the whole presentation very seriously. I kept making snarky jokes poking fun at the presenter.

“I bet that’s not what his sexual partners think!” I cleverly quipped.

I know you would’ve laughed if you had been there.

“Sksss… Sksss… Sksss…” the Ertawon shushed.

Rude.

I turned to my left and repeated the jokes to a different Ertawon, and it made a loud honking noise that I presumed to be laughter. That dude got it. Unfortunately, after making the loud honking noise, the Ertawon was escorted out. 

I hadn’t been paying much attention to the information that was presented, but before it ended, I recognized a symbol on the orientation visual aid. It was a symbol that I had seen in the background of a post that my father made on social media years ago. His followers saw the image and immediately exposed it as the symbol of a violent, racist, extremist group on Ertaw… that my father was apparently friendly with. After the backlash, my father deleted the post and profusely apologized. Everyone forgot about it in a week, but I still remembered that symbol. (See Figure 8.2)

The orientation ended, and the Ertawons in the audience all stood up and exited. I followed the crowd to another structure. The Ertawon sun was setting, and we were all given massive circular bunks to sleep in. An Ertawon slept by spreading their three legs out and putting its head down in the center of the bed. (See Figure 8.3) I had never slept in a bed so large. I was swimming in the sheets and it was like rolling around in the clouds. My luxurious sleeping arrangement was noticed by an Ertawon that was seemingly one of the ones in charge. It directed another Ertawon to share the bed with me to save space. Luckily, it was the Ertawon that had been kicked out of the orientation because it thought I was so hilarious. I apologized to the Ertawon for it getting blamed for the disturbance, but it didn’t seem to mind. After the lights went out, we joked, giggled, and honked some more under the sheets. It’s name was Luskem, and once Luskem fell asleep, the bed turned out to be quite crowded. 

I couldn’t get comfortable, so I decided to check out the island. I got up and walked to the shore. I was expecting to find a beach, but the edge of the island just dropped off. The water was about twenty feet below the edge which I thought was odd. Then I noticed that the water was moving. Upon further reflection, I realized that we weren’t in an ocean, but in a flowing river. Upon even further reflection, the island was actually the thing that was moving. Upon furthest reflection, it wasn’t an island at all, but a massive floating city in the middle of an Ertaw ocean. This must’ve been their solution to the overpopulation of the mainland. I was sure all of this was in the orientation, but I hadn’t been paying attention. I wondered what else I had missed, and it wasn’t too long until I found out. 

In the distance, on the horizon, I saw a bright light that was getting bigger and bigger. Then, sirens all around me began blaring. Every sleeping Ertawon woke up and started running around. Dozens of gigantic sails rose up from the ground, using the tall buildings as masts. (See Figure 8.4) I was thrown to the ground as the sails caught the wind and the entire city changed direction, heading straight toward the bright light in the distance. But it wasn’t just a bright light anymore, it had gotten close enough that I could make out that it was thousands of lights of another floating city, heading straight for us. 

I ran through the chaos to try to find Luskem, but it was hard for me to tell all of the Ertawons apart. I’m not saying they all look the same! Thankfully, Luskem was able to find me and took me to a massive hangar filled with an army of small, round pods. Hundreds of Ertawons in uniforms were getting into the pods. We dove into a pod just as the floor of the hangar opened up and revealed the ocean below us. The pods were dropped into the water, and all of them began rocketing toward the opposing city. A separate army of pods from the enemy city were propelling straight at us. A single missile came from one of the opposing pods and exploded the pod right next to us, killing both of the Ertawons inside. If I hadn’t realized it yet, I did then. We were at war with a rival Ertawon floating city - fighting for control of the high seas. 

Luskem shouted at me to start shooting, and I looked at the panel in front of me with buttons I didn’t recognize. My imperfect written word translator gave me enough clues to go off of, and I pressed a button labeled “BANG.” A missile fired from our pod and blew up an enemy pod. Suddenly, the ocean was riddled with missiles torpedoing at each other, some colliding and exploding and others making contact with enemy pods. A group of ocean critters were obliterated in the crossfire. Luskem made evasive maneuvers, diving deeper into the ocean. We avoided three missiles coming our way, but the pod behind us wasn’t so lucky.

“Do you trust me?” Luskem asked.

“Completely,” I replied.

I know I had just met the being the day before, but we seemed to get each other. Plus, I felt I had no choice since we were both in a pod in the middle of a massive ocean battle... and Luskem was the one driving. Luskem drove the pod deeper and turned off the lights in the pod. The opposing floating city cruised above us. Luskem drove the pod upward, and we were positioned below the city and right behind one of the hangars where the enemy pods were launching. We slowly drove our pod into the enemy hangar without anyone noticing and popped above the water inside. Luskem punched in a series of buttons and a countdown started. It then turned to me and said we had to get out of there. 

We stealthily exited the pod. As we were making our way outside the hangar, I saw the same symbol that had caused the way-too-brief social media cancellation of my father. It was clear that the extremist group had gained political momentum - probably because of my father’s support - and now threatened the planet. At least I knew I was on the right side of the war.

There was chaos in the enemy floating city as the war raged on. I asked Luskem what the plan was and it said that we needed to find another hangar and escape before the countdown ended. We started running, but were blocked by the ground below us separating. A gigantic tube that was as tall and wide as a fifteen-story building slowly came up from the gap. The top of the tube slowly lowered to become horizontal and point directly at Luskem’s home city. There was a deafening blast, and an enormous boulder shot from the end of the tube and hit our city. We saw structures explode and crumble on impact. Debris and Ertawons flew in all directions. Then, we saw similar gargantuan tubes in Luskem’s city. They lowered and locked on to the enemy city we were standing on. We had to get out of there quick. 

We didn’t make it far before we were hit by a blast and tossed sideways. A tall structure’s foundation slowly collapsed and the whole thing toppled over into the ocean. All I could do was watch as a hundred Ertawons fell into the water. All of them struggled in the waves and drowned. No Ertawons could swim with their heavy, bulky legs dragging them down and their lean arms unable to support their weight in the water. Quite dangerous to be living in a floating city and not be able to swim, but I was one to talk. My father never took the time to teach me how to swim either. I had to escape.

Luskem and I found another hangar on the enemy ship and ran inside as more colossal cannon blasts shot back and forth, destroying everything around us. We got in the hangar and were about to board a pod but an enemy Ertawon spotted us. It aimed its pod’s weapons right at Luskem, and as I turned around to warn my friend, a missile shot straight into Luskem and burst apart its body like a firework. One of Luskem’s legs was flung into me, knocking me to the ground. I hugged the leg and rolled into a pod, closed the hatch, and launched the pod into the ocean before the enemy pod could fire at us again. I was stoic as I drove the pod toward Luskem’s city, knowing there was nothing I could do.

The floating enemy city blew up behind us. I figured the countdown that Luskem had started in the enemy hangar was linked to an explosive. The bombs we had planted caused a chain reaction of weapons to explode and rip the enemy city in half. It slowly sank as every Ertawon in the enemy city was dragged to the bottom of the ocean and drowned. 

When I got back to Luskem’s floating city, I got out of the pod, still holding onto Luskem’s leg. I started to walk, not knowing where I was going to go. I was surrounded by a small crowd of Ertawon soldiers and greeted as a hero - all because of what Luskem had done. It was then that I couldn’t hold back any more tears and fell to my knees, still clutching the leg of my lost friend. 

R.I.P. Luskem
Maybe father or mother
Maybe son or daughter
Best friend

When I got back on my ship, I waited for hours by my Plysmorphian box, holding it in the fetal position… waiting for it to deliver a food crumb that would take the pain away.

RATINGS

Hospitality — 2/10
Food — 4/10
Sights — 8/10
Activities — 0/10
Family Friendly — 0/10
Losing a Best Friend — 0/10