51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

tookle (too-kuhl)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3270:

We arrived on Tookle at the perfect time. The planet’s southern hemisphere had just been through its two year winter, and the spring season was in full bloom. Enormous, bright petals arranged in intricate patterns were out on display in open fields just outside the cities. The petals didn’t seem to be growing from anywhere, but rather had been plucked and deliberately placed into these odd, but beautiful presentations. We skipped the city and landed near a massive field of Tookle petals. Tooklings were putting their finishing touches on their personal plant arrangements. (See Figure 37.1)

Tooklings were the most colorful intelligent beings I had come across in my travels. They were covered in bright yellow, green, and vibrant purple feathers. Even their faces, which were featherless, were colorful. Their skin had aqua blues, pale reds, and burnt oranges all mixed together to create a beautiful pattern that was hard to look away from. Apparently, no two Tooklings had the same pattern on their face and each one was unique - like the fingerprint of a snowflake. Their faces had two eyes and a very small beak-like mouth that didn’t protrude much. They walked on six legs and had two long, thin arms with flabby skin dangling down (See Figure 37.2). I imagined they once had the ability to fly, but there was no way they could now. 

We approached a Tookling that was adjusting its flower petals and asked what it was doing. Its name was Bipbly, and it was a male Tookling that was preparing to woo a female. [Note: There were only two sexes on this planet, so I chose to use the ancient male and female pronouns.] All of the floral displays were made by males in order to attract females. Bipbly couldn’t have been more annoyed about the whole presentation. Each mating season, he went through the ritual and never ended up with a mate. Though I couldn’t tell which Tooklings were more attractive than others, Bipbly’s social awkwardness came through like a Tenalpene’s backside endowment - not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely noticeable. And recently, Bipbly - a Tookling astronomer, coincidentally - had discovered a probable planetary collision event just a few light years away that he needed to be monitoring. But the mating season always happened at a specific time. It couldn’t be moved. After all, tradition was tradition, or rather, in this case, tradition was a biochemical reaction of hormones in the Tookle brain and body that caused them to mate at this specific time with no exceptions. 

I asked him about the field, and he said that it had been their mating ground for millenia. He and his ancestors had never used a different field, no matter where they lived during the non-mating periods. That could make for a long commute, and a rather horrific traffic-ridden travel season. But this was where his parents met and where he was born. 

Bipbly took note of another Tookling walking by to a different set of flower petals, and he rolled his eyes. The Tookling was a little bigger than Bipbly and his colors much more vibrant, his patterns more complex. This was Bipbly’s nemesis and the male that always attracted the most sought-after female. We reassured Bipbly that this mating season would be different because we were there to help, though secretly, Pleeft wished we had been talking to Bipbly’s nemesis all along. I offered to get more flower petals, but Bipbly said that he had enough. What he needed help with was the dance portion of the mating ritual. 

Dancing had always been a strong suit of mine because I basically perspire self-confidence through my impressive feats of rhythmically-timed, physically-demanding movements. However, it didn’t matter if I dazzled these females. This was Bipbly’s mating season, and we were determined to show Bipbly some moves, but we were discouraged when he showed us his usual routine. There was far too much head bobbing and arm movement, which was undeniably unattractive because of the flappy skin hanging from a Tookle’s arms. His feet were too stationary to even really call it a dance. We had our work cut out for ourselves. 

Luskem walked around the field to check out the competition and took note of the other dances. Most of them were exactly like what Bipbly showed me, but they somehow made it look better. Pleeft subtly spied on Bipbly’s nemesis, which was decently difficult as an alien riding atop a toast-bot in a field of Tookling natives. The nemesis knew the Tookling mating dance was outdated. He had added his own twist to it that involved his legs a lot more. When Pleeft reported back to Bipbly and I, I told him that we were going to change things up. Bipbly was nervous. 

“You can trust us,” I told him confidently with a wink.

I had never winked at someone before.  

My hubris, which was based on receiving endless praise for my dancing abilities, may have gotten the best of me in that moment. I had no idea what the female Tookling was attracted to, but I had no time to doubt myself. That’s what dancing is all about. Anyone who is a natural dancer would tell you the same thing. 

When the females showed up, I understood why Bipbly was so timid and skittish. They were much bigger than the average male, almost twice as big. And their feathers and skin were dark black. (See Figure 37.3) They were a very intimidating bunch. 

Bipbly had his eye on one particular Tookling. He had never mated with this special Tookling but was always infatuated with her. We watched her browse the flower beds of the male Tooklings and turn up her beak when they started dancing. She snickered at some dancers with her other female Tookling friends, causing some of the male Tooklings to run away in shame. She was going to be tough to impress. She made her way to Bipbly’s nemesis. I couldn’t let that happen and decided to pull out all the stops. I told Bipbly that I would be right back. He screamed after me, thinking I was going to leave him… as did Luskem and Pleeft. [Note: I’m surprised Luskem and Pleeft trusted me so little, but that’s a conversation for another time.] But I quickly returned with the ship.

I turned up the speaker system and played music on full blast. No other male Tooklings were dancing to music, and I was sure the added flourish would put Bipbly in the spotlight. His nemesis would be overshadowed and thrust into obscurity. At first, the music frightened all of the Tooklings, running away from Bipbly and the rest of us. He was originally extremely upset with me, that was, until the Tooklings started coming back. The males resumed their dances by their own petals, including Bipbly’s nemesis, but Bipbly’s crush was no longer interested in a Tookling dancing without music. In fact, all of the females began crowding around Bipbly, even the Tookling he adored. This was our moment.

The dance began with a solo. Bipbly did the traditional Tookling head bobbing and arm movement, but then I came in and added some foot stomping and charismatically hyped up the crowd. Since Tooklings had six legs, Bipbly was able to stomp more feet and add some complicated rhythms - lots of triplets. Bipbly’s crush wasn’t convinced yet, but I saw her start to come around when Pleeft joined in. We all held hands, and sent a wave from my free arm through to Bipbly’s flabby arms and then Pleeft’s blades. Then Pleeft sent the wave right back to me. We switched things up when the toast-bot took Bipbly to the center and started doing a robotic dance of toast making. (Note: Grabbing bread slices to your right, dropping it in front of you, grabbing the toast with your left hand as it pops up, and setting it down to your left. Repeat.) 

Next, it was time for our finale. Luskem dropped down on their head-body and spun themselves around, creating a fan with their legs. Bipbly sat down next to them and lifted his legs up while I grabbed one leg and spun him around as fast as I could. All of the colors of his feathers twisted together and created a moving painting. There was no way any other male Tookling had a better mating presentation. We absolutely destroyed the dance floor. The Tookling females agreed. They swarmed Bipbly, but Bipbly only had eyes for his one and only, and she was impressed enough with him this season. 

The crowd of females dispersed. Bipbly and the female Tookling began circling each other. He butted his head against her chest three times. She bent herself backward and made an ugly cooing shout that came from the back of her throat, eventually regurgitating a large sack of eggs and placing it in the middle of Bipbly’s petals. Bipbly excitedly mounted the eggs and spasmed for two seconds. Then immediately got off the eggs. She said goodbye and left. Bipbly laid down, exhausted and satisfied. 

“Was that it?” Luskem asked.

Bipbly just looked at us and smiled. Now knowing what we had just witnessed, we felt embarrassed for watching the entire time. But it all happened so quickly. 

I thought it was silly to base things like love on meaningless attributes like pretty colors and dance skills, but then again, how else would you get someone’s attention in a crowd of other beings vying for the same intimacy. 

I hadn’t felt love since I was with Corpney on Porg. And that didn’t end with a romance, only heartbreak and mourning. I felt like I would have been better off without ever meeting her. People who say it’s better to have loved and lost probably never lost anyone. At least I still had my scientifically-created companion from Lushu. She always made me feel a little better. 

Bipbly gathered himself and thanked all of us. He was grateful for the help. Now he could resume his work monitoring the nearby planetary collision, which of course I had to ask him about. And once I did, there was no way we weren’t checking it out on our way to Meiti. Just a quick stop. Suuuuuuper quick. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — N/A
Food — N/A
Sights — 8/10
Activities — 10/10
Family Friendly — 1/10
Dancing — 10/10