51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

lushu (loo-shoo)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3269:

I could tell that Luskem and Pleeft wanted to ask me why we were still on this journey. We found out that my mother and I were no longer suspects in my father’s disappearance. I didn’t have to keep searching for him. But they knew I had just lost Corpney - the Porgi I had fallen in love with - and I was in no condition to answer any emotional questions, so they didn’t ask. I wouldn’t have had an answer for them even if they had. I’d probably tell them it’s for the fans of the blog. I’d probably tell my fans the same thing… which I’m doing right now. But I knew it wasn’t true. We were still on our way to Meiti - where the Hethuin supercomputer told me I would find my father. Hopefully by the time we got there, I would know why we were still going. And to further delay our arrival, we kept going to the planet pit stops we previously decided on. Lushu was next.   

It was hard to define what the Lushu people looked like. Each individual looked extremely different because Lushu had such a massive amount of radiation on its surface that the species was constantly mutating in millions of different ways. After thousands of years of countless mutations, there weren’t any two Lushenes who looked alike. If you were a lucky Lushene, you were able to find another anatomically compatible being who you were able to mate with. It wasn’t uncommon for a Lushene to be mutated in such a way that there weren’t any possible sexual partners on the entire planet. 

Typically, when we arrive on planets, I expect there to be some sort of reaction to a human, Ertawon, and a talking plant. Though, when we landed on Lushu, barely anyone batted an eye. We were simply just a few drastically mutated Lushenes. I was only noticed because of my apparent fashion faux pas. For safety, I was sporting my anti-radiation suit which was also my anti-gravity suit that I wore on Demursh. The suit was anti a lot of things, but it wasn’t anti-style (See Figure 28.1). I totally owned it. Luskem and Pleeft should’ve probably been wearing a suit too, but I only had one. I knew they’d be fine though… definitely fine. 

I quickly discovered that the Lushene society was well aware of its attraction and mating problem. There were several meetings held every day for those coping with the loneliness and depression of the following:

A. Not being attractive to anyone 
B. Not being attracted to anyone 
C. Not being able to mate with anyone
D. A + B
E. D + C - B
F. E - A + B
G. All of the above 

There were different kinds of chairs organized in a circle, with each chair designed for endless amounts of different comfort needs - those with several legs, those with no legs, those that were legs, etc. I spent too long at the snack table trying different Lushene snacks, so I had the last pick of chairs and was forced to sit on one that was exceedingly uncomfortable. After wrestling with the chair for several embarrassing seconds, I decided to sit on the floor. Luskem was able to get one designed for three legs and Pleeft had the luxury of sitting on Luskem’s head-body. 

The leader of the group was a truly repulsive creature with seven arms, six of which seemingly weren’t able to function and simply hung from the Lushene’s body. It had blotchy hair patches all over and three non-symmetrical eyes on the left side of its face (See Figure 28.2). It was easy to understand why this Lushene was the one in charge of such a meeting. The being had everyone go around the room and share what they were feeling if they wanted to. I struggled to pay attention to each individual as they became increasingly ugly and nauseating to look at. But I gathered that most felt an incredibly powerful void in their life that was impossible to fill. Like a black hole in the pit of their stomachs - ranging from two to five stomachs - that grew larger and larger everyday they could not find a mate. Some Lushenes weren’t even that ugly and had some cute traits, but their sexual organs didn’t match up with any other beings on the planet. I could relate with these Lushenes the most. It was one thing to be ugly and alone. It was a much harder thing to be extremely, undeniably attractive, yet still alone. 

Pleeft refused to speak. 

Luskem was too shy. 

I chimed in.

“I was in love once, but she was slaughtered by a rival tribe and left for dead in a cold, dark cave…”

“Go on,” urged the disgusting group leader.

“Now I don’t think I’ll ever love someone so much again. Nothing ever fulfilled me quite as much as what I had with Corpney, even though I’ve had an unimaginable amount of wild, passionate sexual encounters.” 

The fact that I was sexually compatible with millions of other beings bothered the Lushenes in the meeting… and I was escorted out of the room before any got violent. Luskem felt too uncomfortable being associated with me so they didn’t follow me and stayed in the meeting. Pleeft had no choice but to keep listening to the Lushenes whilst sitting atop Luskem’s immovable head-body. 

Lushenes had different ways of coping with this intense loneliness. A good portion of them intoxicated themselves heavily with different substances. Some had grown addicted to watching pornography, and I could only imagine how many hundreds of different fetishes there were for such a diverse population. During the meeting, I became aware of another kind of coping mechanism. There was a Lushene company that provided customized life-size dolls for the needs of any Lushene. A being simply had to describe exactly what was attractive to them and what sexual organs they required and the Lushene company would create a doll for them. This was the most popular coping device and the company was, in fact, the richest on the planet. 

I had to check out the service in order to get the full Lushu experience and that was the only reason I did it. It had nothing to do with me mourning or my need to blow off some pent up sexual energy. I went to a local office and described what was attractive to me and was provided my perfect human female a couple hours later. I tried to make a quick exit to get back to my ship and have some alone time before Luskem and Pleeft were done with their meeting. Before I could, I was asked if I had tried the company’s Lushene dating service. In the same office, a being could provide their DNA and the company would cross reference it with other customers’ DNA. If there was a Lushene anatomically compatible, a match would be made. I gave it a go and was matched with one Lushene that lived on the other side of the planet. It was time to move on from Corpney and get out there again. I took the life-size doll back to my ship and met up with Luskem and Pleeft again. We flew across Lushu as soon as we were strapped in. 

I met my Lushene match, Gija, at an intoxication depot in her neighborhood. Although she looked human enough, and I’m sure that our DNA was compatible, I was nowhere close to being into Gija. Conversation with Gija was a chore. The uncomfortable pauses were far from infrequent, which forced me to indulge myself at the intoxication depot. When I asked Gija questions, I couldn’t even listen to the answers because I was trying to think of anything else I could ask in order to avoid a long silence. After my fourth drink, I decided to end the date. Gija got upset since I was the first person the being had ever matched with on Lushu, and I was her only hope for companionship. I felt bad, but my Lushu doll was much more attractive and a far better listener. I wished Gija the best of luck in finding someone else. I reassured her that the radiation on the planet would eventually provide her with another match, or at least kill her at a young age so she didn’t have to grow old completely alone. 

RATINGS

Hospitality — 6/10
Food — 9/10 (fantastic snacks)
Sights — 2/10
Activities — 6/10
Family Friendly — 6/10
Getting a Life-Size Doll as a Companion — .0000063 BTC (Bitcoin)