51 Planets to See Before the Universe Collapses

anathema (A-nuh-THEE-muh)

Scort Muggins, Human Year 3271:

It was rather chilly on Anathema with an average surface temperature of -170 degrees Celsius. And if it wasn’t for this temperature, there wouldn’t be the oceans and lakes of liquid methane. There was even methane rain, which I thought sounded like a great band name. Pleeft didn’t think it fit our aesthetic. Even though none of us knew how to play any instruments, we were always looking for what our band name would be.  

The surface of Anathema was extremely jagged and rough. There was little plant life within sight, if any. We made our way to the edge of the methane ocean, and I figured we would see much of the same rocky terrain on the ocean floor. I wasn’t wrong, but we were all shocked to find a bustling ecosystem living in the methane ocean. 

We walked on the ocean floor, going deeper and deeper. I attempted to swim, but the liquid methane was much less dense than water, so I wasn’t nearly as buoyant. It had absolutely nothing to do with the extra pounds I had gained on our journey. ...I needed to stop eating those Plysmorphian food crumbs every day. 

Liquid methane is even more colorless than water, so we were able to see everything around us. The animals and plants had to have been some kind of non water-based life, and there was an abundance of life on Anathema. 

Large schools of tiny worm-like beings swirled around me. They were attacked by larger creatures the shape of a lima bean. They had four sharp legs that kept them planted into the ground. Each one would open its mouth and eject a brine substance which stunned its prey. Another four slim arms would collect the paralyzed worms and move them closer to their mouths until they sucked in each worm with a single swallow. I called these predators squirtywirties. (See Figure 45.1)

The largest animal I saw was three times my size and fed off of anything that couldn’t escape its massive mouth, which occupied half of its body. It had four eyes on top and bottom of its mouth that scoped out the most populated areas in the ocean. These I called gapers. (See Figure 45.2)

There were so many different species, all much less dense than I, able to swim through the liquid methane. One of the creatures simply floated in the open ocean until it spotted its prey and swam through the methane at 54 meters per second. Its fins were hidden until they expanded and created three circles around its body, propelling them through the liquid. I named these speedsters tricycle fish. (See Figure 45.3)

I thought we might be the first beings to witness this non-water-based life, and the excitement got the best of me. I let out a nervous toot. We all laughed, not at the noise, but at the fact that the fart must’ve been a welcome addition to the methane ocean. After a few more hilarious cheek claps from all of us, we collected the three tons of methane we needed and finally had the fuel source to go anywhere in the universe. The search for my father was back on.

RATINGS

Hospitality — NA
Food — N/A (did not eat the wildlife)
Sights — 10/10
Activities — 8/10
Family Friendly — 7/10 (bring extra layers for warmth)
Farting in a Methane Ocean — Priceless