TEch
Planets
not as cool as it sounds.
UBER park (oo-ber park)
Scort Muggins, Human year 3250:
Don’t be fooled by the name. This planet wasn’t much fun. There is no park on the planet, and the whole thing is a giant parking structure for every autonomous vehicle that humans use. Whenever someone orders an Uber on the app, the vehicle comes from the planet and goes to pick the person up. The roof of the garage is one big solar panel that charges all of the vehicles below.
The tour I took was guided by a robot, and I never saw another human or living being while on the planet. After I saw the factory that makes all of the autonomous vehicles, there wasn’t much else to see other than the endless rows of occupied parking spots. As soon as one vehicle would leave, another one would take its place and begin charging. The tour was short and boring, but I did receive an Uber voucher for every friend I refer, so use this code for your next ride:
scortm287
google earth (goo-gull urth)
Don’t be fooled by the name. This planet has nothing to do with the program that lets you virtually explore every city on any planet, or even find your long lost mother after you accidentally got on a train as a kid and couldn’t remember how to get home. The planet was entirely Google servers on top of more Google servers. Its orbit was far enough from the nearest star that the planet was aggressively chilly, so Google wouldn’t have to pay so much for cooling units. All of the information from Google is stored on Google Earth.
They don’t offer tours there, so I had to land discreetly, break in, and remain undetected. It wasn’t worth it.
bezos world (bay-zohs wurld)
Take the name as it is. It was as boring and narcissistic as it sounds. The whole planet was an Amazon warehouse full of drones that moved from aisle to aisle and packaged every product that’s ordered from Amazon.
When I visited, I was shocked by the drone conditions. The drones barely got time to recharge and some would even lose all of their power, fall to the floor, and crash. The other drones were forced to continue to work around the broken drone on the ground. If they didn’t, they would just be replaced by another drone.
RATINGS
Hospitality — 0/10
Food — 0/10
Sights — 1/10
Activities — 1/10
Family Friendly — 7/10
Entertainment — 0/10